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:icondmajorboss: More from DMajorBoss




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August 24, 2010
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Why can't I write the words in my mind?

Why can't I take whatever I find?

Why can't I make poems that don't have to rhyme since few seem to care what I say half the time?

Why can't I have the love that I seek?

Why cant I help the ones who seem bleak?

Why cant I gain some acclaim from my name and take aim to exclaim how I won at life's game?

Why cant I be selfish?

Why cantai be mean?

Why cantai be squalid instead of pristine?

Why cantai have that which I know others own?

Why cantai possess a heart made of stone?

Waicantai acquire the few things desired and then go retire past the nuisances prior to what was required to light the soul's fire and rise up much higher to where I won't tire?

Waicantai ask questions that are simple to answer?

Waicantai stop using these sentence enhancers?

Waicantai quit and no longer go?

Waicantai ask things I don't already know?

Waicantai?  Waicantai?  It's about being able.  Living your life and keeping things stable.  Doing what you can, with what power's possessed, creating your own fortune for the future's bequest.

Waicantais will surface, that much I know true, so I'll pose this new question:

What CAN I do?
These are some thoughts that I sometimes have. Not always does an answer come, so the questions continue to surface. I won't quit on them, though, and the best that can be done at times is to let time answer them for you.

I do admit, though, that some questions I ask already have an answer to them...an answer that I already know. Rhetorical, of course.

All in all, I made this just to make, to get some things out of my mind. Maybe my thoughts can somehow affect or influence another...again, that's something that'll be answered in time.

Thank you very much for taking the time in reading all of this.
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:iconmariamenage:
mariamenage Mar 12, 2011   Interface Designer
I can relate....
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:icondmajorboss:
DMajorBoss Mar 12, 2011  Professional Writer
Indeed, this one encompassed a few questions and, as a whole, I think others would also wonder about these too.

Thank you very much for giving this a read; I'm glad that it brought interest to you.
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:icon11812:
11812 Sep 27, 2010
Ahggh. So much RHYME. I actually got a headache reading this. :D
I believe that the answer to almost every single one of these questions is: you could, if you wanted to. The only reason you don't is probably because you fear the consequences.
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:icondmajorboss:
DMajorBoss Sep 28, 2010  Professional Writer
Fear of the consequences? Yes and no. Yes, there are some things that I don't want to do because of the result but, no, some things are just not a part of what I'd like to do. I don't fear the consequence of hitting someone who deserves it, for example, but I do think that there'd be a better way to handle the situation than instantly resorting to violence.

I'm glad that you gave this a read, and my apologies if I caused you a bit of head trouble.

^_^

Thank you for taking the time in giving this a read.
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:icon11812:
11812 Sep 28, 2010
Yes, that is very true.

Nah, it's all good.

No problem. :thumbsup:
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:iconmrcontroversial:
mrcontroversial Sep 6, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
I do like the title, how it is spelled that way. Reminds me of Musiq Soulchild in how he titles his songs.

It felt more like a rap to me than a poem to be honest. Does it make it a bad thing? No. Just that the rhyming of most words that are spelled the same minus the first letter makes it feel more like a song. Has a nice flow to it as well.

Waicantai? Waicantai? It's about being able. Living your life and keeping things stable. Doing what you can, with what power's possessed, creating your own fortune for the future's bequest.

Waicantais will surface, that much I know true, so I'll pose this new question:

What CAN I do?


I didn't like this last paragraph/stanza. Not only was the transition too quick, but also the preaching somewhat squashes the whole essence you were building up prior to it (and it's a great essence at that). I think if you want to get to preaching a lesson within the piece, make it more flowing and in rhythm with the stanzas beforehand. Not only will the transition have a better ease, but it won't lose all the momentum you built before hand.

Another thought for the last stanza is instead of going into direct answers and quotes, you could still keep it up with asking questions to your soul. And maybe have the words continue to twist in how to spell them while still keeping the same pronunciation.

Other than that, it's not bad bro. :)
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:icondmajorboss:
DMajorBoss Sep 6, 2010  Professional Writer
I'm glad that you pointed out that particular stanza. When I wrote this, I was in an emotional state, my mind and heart going through some things. Towards the end of it all, I started to lightly feel better and, reading it over, thought it could use a "happy ending."

Looking back on it, I think I may actually remove that last stanza, or at least keep only that last line of it. Maybe I don't need distinct closure with everything that I create.

And, yes, it did start out as a poetic piece, but I soon broke down and let a natural sense take over in me. In speaking this poem, I liked the feeling it gave...so the rap feel is intentional.

I thank you for taking the time to critique this piece. I am happy and honored to receive your insight.

^_^
Reply
:iconmrcontroversial:
mrcontroversial Sep 7, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
Looking back on it, I think I may actually remove that last stanza, or at least keep only that last line of it. Maybe I don't need distinct closure with everything that I create. Yeah, it's good to experiment and try new things you know? :)

I thank you for taking the time to critique this piece. I am happy and honored to receive your insight. It's a pleasure bro, and you're very welcome. :)
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:iconminkaun:
minkaun Sep 4, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No homo, but I miss your voice. Your poetry is like telepathy, and with it, I can almost hear your voice.
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:icondmajorboss:
DMajorBoss Sep 4, 2010  Professional Writer
Hahah, I took no offense to that remark. We chilled often, and we should get back in touch sometime. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and we may be able to chat on the phone one day so that you can hear it directly.
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