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September 3, 2012
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In this darkness, I could still tell the form of my enemy.  He smiled at me, a flash of lightening brightening up his features, and I hated the look of him even more.  He was a rat that held too much false power, and I did my best to take away as much of it as I could.  He kept his positive demeanor as he spoke to me.

"You pathetic piece of ----!"

A burst of thunder censored his words, yet I knew already as to his contempt for me.  The rain that fell did little to cool my brow, and my sword grew heavier in my hand as I held it.  I stared back at him, doing my best to summon up a smile.

"Talking to yourself again, Voltragen Murinus?  You should hold a higher standard for yourself."

"Don't give me your worthless attempts at banter, Corvin Musgard.  You've already lost and you know it."

A flash of lightening lit up our battleground once more, and I could see that his words were not a mere threat.  By his side still were two mouse soldiers, my brethren turned traitor by Voltragen's influence.  Though smaller than their master, both looked ready to die at his command.  A score of his men already lay at our feet, however, all having met their end by my blade.

"So long as I hold breath in my body, I know only that I will continue to fight!"

"Yes, yes, and all for the love of your life, I know.  You've already polluted the world with your constant spew of romantics.  And yet, as we stand, she is in MY abode…my very bedchamber, to be precise."

"Setanya!" I could feel the strength returning to my body at just the mention of her, "If I find that you touched even one hair on her head…"

He laughed aloud at my remark, "Oh, but it's not the hairs on her 'head' that I touched, oh no.  My use for her was more…well, let's just say that certain carnal desires were met before I began my search for you."

I made no attempt to hear anything more that he had to say.  I charged at him and met resistance by his final two soldiers.  I parried the strike of one and ducked the swing of another.  Moving quickly, I was able to step on the tail of one and prevent his advance.  I used this chance to strike at the other, my sword carving into his side and sending him to the ground.  I leapt up and vaulted over the one remaining and, before he could catch his bearings, my sword made a brief rest in his chest.  I removed my blade and allowed him to fall to the ground, my attention focused on Voltragen once more.

I hold my sword in his direction, "And now, only we remain."

"Are you sure?" he asks before snapping his fingers.

Another flash of lightening lit the battleground, and I saw what he meant.  An archer behind let lose a single arrow, one that I tried my best to dodge.  In spite of the bodies on the ground, I was able to move just enough so that I was lightly grazed on the shoulder.  Thunder rolled across the sky as I felt the sting, but I stood quickly and faced him once more.

"It will take more than that to dispense of me."

"Actually, it will take 'only' that to dispense of you."

I raised my sword, ready to attack once more, when I felt something within me…something that caused my body to feel the fatigue it's been trying to ignore this whole time.  My shoulder ached as I knelt to the ground, and I then realized what had happened.

"Oh, don't worry," Voltragen chuckled, "You won't die from the poison.  No, I've much better use for you while alive.  Just enjoy your rest, Corvin, and know that it will be the last shred of peace that you feel under my control."

I did my best to stand, but my muscles wouldn't let me.  Fatigue shook my mind and I could feel the weight of my sword lessen to where it fell to the ground.  The rest of my body followed suit, and I could only watch as the archer approached me.

"Tie him up and drag him back with us," I heard Voltragen say, "Make sure he finds a nice spot within the dungeon to continue his rest."

The last thing I remember was the feeling of a rope constricting my arms.  As I moved across the ground, everything grew dark and I lost sense of everything else.
I've had this story in mind for a while, but I don't know where to go with things. Might it be a story all its own? Or maybe it's a story within a story, possibly one of the books that one of my OCs reads and enjoys.

I have no idea what to do with this yet, but I would love to see the thoughts of others on what I'm doing with this. I'd especially like to know if my style's getting better or if it diminished in any way.

If you have any opinions on this work, do let me know. I'd love to see where others see this going or what others would like from them.

I thank you in advance for giving this a read.
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:iconscarlet-pikachu:
That was really interesting, the first line caught my attention and held it.
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:iconsynduo:
SynDuo Sep 4, 2012   General Artist
I know i said this before, but i love how well writen this is along with the dramatics.

Shame on me for reading this from last time, you know I still say what I said before, to keep things short: More please.
Reply
:icondmajorboss:
DMajorBoss Sep 4, 2012  Professional Writer
I may continue it, in one form or another, all depending on what comes to mind.

Thank you very much for reading and enjoying.
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:iconimagineye:
IMAGINeye Sep 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
A wonderful read, Nice work! :w00t:
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:icondmajorboss:
DMajorBoss Sep 3, 2012  Professional Writer
Aww, thank you very much. I had it for a while now, but was hesitant to upload it. I'm glad that I did.

^_^
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:iconninaiso:
Ninaiso Sep 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is quite interesting! I think you still got it. c;

You painted a picture nicely in my head without needed a paragraph of detail, nicely done! The characters are quite nice as well! I really have a feel for their emotions here, and ending it with a cliffhanger leaves me wanting more~

You did a wonderful job. ^^ I really enjoyed it!
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:icondmajorboss:
DMajorBoss Sep 3, 2012  Professional Writer
Aww, thank you very much for your kind words and review. I do hope to do more with this, so you just may get to see what happens later (or even what happens before) as time goes on.

^_^
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:iconchocolatestarfire:
ChocolateStarfire Sep 3, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This sounds a lot like Redwall...I like it! :D
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:icondmajorboss:
DMajorBoss Sep 3, 2012  Professional Writer
Heheh, that was the original inspiration, I admit. I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and I do hope to do more with it as time goes on.
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:iconglu-glu:
I know they're supposed to be Anthropomorphic characters, but for some reason as soon as i read in the title "mouse story" i couldn't help but imagine them as regular rats/mice and i think that created a very interesting picture in my mind.

keep at it buddy, this is interesting.
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